the land of plenty?

It's Wednesday morning around 11.00 a.m. I'm experiencing the not unusual need for coffee and doughnuts. Being in rural Pennsylvania there's only one thing to do: drive through the land of plenty until I find what I want. It's not quite instant gratification, but it's not that far away. Ten minutes or so later I'm in Thorndale, which has an endless string of commercial premises with parking lots offering all sorts of consumer treats. Not being a fan of Dunkin' Donuts' coffee (it's hard to tell what it is) I decide to get the black stuff from Starbucks after securing the doughnuts. If only I had known then what I know now ...

So I drive up to Dunkin', Krispy Kreme being nowhere near, and look at the shelves. Not a doughnut in sight. The customer before me in line is gazing in disbelief at the naked shelves and asking the unpopular guy behind the counter 'Is that all ya got?!?' So I get back into the car and drive a short distance to Starbucks, the land of the espresso brownie, which is housed in Acme. I ask for a grande brew and am told there is none. So I reconsider and ask for a grande americano. Nothing doing. I can have iced latte or iced coffee. Hot coffee, it seems, is not on the menu, so I would have to have yesterday's refigerated leftovers. Lovely. And I don't like iced tea and coffee anyway.

Mortified I go back home with exactly what I left with: nothing. Coffee and doughnuts never did enter my mouth on that memorable day in July.

People blame all this on the violent storm that ravaged the area on Tuesday night, but I don't believe them. This is another manifestation of a conspiracy to recreate the Soviet Union on US soil. It's only a short step from aggressive security measures at airports and gulags to food shortages. Just wait until all those stars and stripes start sprouting hammers and sickles.